On this day; 20th Dec 2015, 3am morning, my beloved mother has leave everything behind and make her way to a better place.
It was a long walk in her life. She has been struggling all the life since young till old. Added with stroke 15 years ago. Bed ridden 5 years ago, On cathether and tube feeding 3 years ago. That was such a long, difficult walk.
There was so many occasions that I came across the idea of sending her away to homes. However, I have persisted and successfully keep her by me till the last day of her life.
Taking care of an ill person counting on her days is a very challenging task. One is looking toward death instead of life. You wish she will get well while you know she can only deteriorate over time. You wish she will not wake up the next morning, while it is the most sinful thought to think of. Day in and day out these contradicting feeling is alternating in your mind. Only if you have gone through and experience it, you will understand that kind of difficulties.
I am glad that I manage to be with her till the end. It was my own promised to myself since young that one day I will take care of her and lead her to a better life when I grown up. Although, I may not had lead her to a better life, I have taken care of ther in her most difficult and challenging period of life.
For 15 years, she is a vital part of all my yearly and daily plan. Suddenly, I felt so lost when she does not belong to any of my daily plan anymore. Just like a dog which has been chained for 15 years. Suddenly, the chain is removed from the neck. The dog will run like crazy. Alas! I did not run like a crazy dog. Ha ha ha…. Instead, I sit down and look back the long journey we have walk through together. There were laughters, there were tears. There were sleepless nites and there were joys. That is life. My life.
Dear mum, I wish you well and healthy in your eternal life. I definate miss you.